If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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