But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
