He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I need to align my fucking chakras
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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