i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize