DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
