I look better un-naked...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
