So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
