We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
