It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
