Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just want to make out with him forever
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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