you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
