Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
