I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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