I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
