my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
