I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
