I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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