I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
it was like eating out sand paper
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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