I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
