Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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