He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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