ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
