Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
