Can i not drive my cunt home
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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