my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
