i just had sex bonerless
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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