Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
