I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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