The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
