Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
only you would photoshop your dick
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
