2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
