I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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