Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
