that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
