You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
