I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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