You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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