You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
