do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
