By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
