Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
