12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
