You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize