hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
