Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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