you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Let's get the cat blown out
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
