I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
