They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
