I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
