Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my shit smells like andre
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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